This is one of those blog posts that once upon a time I never thought I would write. And even writing it now seems a big deal. I’ve rewritten it a few times, re-thought how things are worded. And then realised that no words I could write could ever quite express what I want to say. So I’m posting it as it is, and I guess I just pray that it might help someone.
I love food.
Like today- I bought cakes. They were delicious. I pretty much think cakes are my love language. Or chips & dip maybe. I also really like carrot sticks and hummus, and nothing beats a medium-rare steak. Cheese & crackers are one of the best things ever, and I’m a firm believer that a cup of tea and a biscuit can help with most of our daily challenges.
You’re probably reading this thinking “Well, so what?! Why do I need to know about your eating habits, I get enough food photos on Instagram!”
But the reason this is so significant, is because it hasn’t always been that way. There were so many years of my life where food was something I would dread, something that caused so much anxiety in me that it made me unwell. I have vivid memories of going out to eat & only eating a few fries because food created such an anxiety in me that I just couldn’t eat it. I remember dreading every youth event, birthday gathering, dinner out…. Anything that mixed food with people. And eating at a new restaurant or cafe was so hard that I would worry about it for days, until I would finally get there & be so stressed out that I would just order fries…. Again. Basically, anything food related would cause anxiety. Annnnything.
Today on my way home, I put my music on shuffle. (Which, as a side note, is always slightly unpredictable because I have a LOT of children’s music on there…. Singing along to children’s music is only ever okay when you are in the presence of children. Anyway, back to the point…) On comes a song that took me back to that time of my life. And I suddenly realised “this is what healing feels like.”
Was I healed instantly? No.
Was I healed dramatically? No.
Was I healed in a meeting with thousands of people? No.
But am I living healed? Absolutely.
How do I know that? Because my life is SO. DRAMATICALLY. DIFFERENT. NOW.
In the past 7 years I’ve met more new people & been to more new food places than I have ever had to in my entire life. When people visit me from England, the first thing I think about it which food places I want to take them to. If I plan a meeting at work, I try to make that meeting over lunch because I enjoy eating with people, and what’s a meeting without food anyway?!
There’s so much I could say. There’s so much of that journey that is long and boring and uninteresting to the average person. There’s highs and lows, there’s tears and tantrums. There’s friends and stories and a million “talks” with God. There’s anxiety & depression, there’s sleepless nights & countless prayers.
But this is a story of a transformed mind & life.
It’s the story of God redeeming something.
I so passionately believe in this verse: “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”(John 10:10.)
I live in no doubt that the enemy will steal anything he can get his hands on. But each day, I want to remind myself of the redemption of God- whether it’s through big things or little things. I’m so thankful that He loves me enough to want to see each part of my life redeemed. God never, ever, ever, designed me to live trapped in any kind of anxiety about anything! He designed me for freedom!
Sometimes healing looks like re-focussing your mind, re-training your emotions, and day by day taking a step. Every day. Sometimes healing is about learning more about yourself & God- and choosing to trust the process to Him. Sometimes healing comes as we take a step away from fear, and walk into the arms of God.
complexitiesofaheart 